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Tuesday, March 30, 2004
im not myself. im forcing myself to tok. im forcing myself to smile. im keeping my emotions inside me. im lonely. im devastated. im hopeless. i got no faith. im broken. Friday, March 26, 2004 feel like crying!!! y my blog nowadaes is always so pessimistic?? i hav always been cheerful all my life... but onli this time im so sad. i dunno y... tell u wad happened... wells, on thurs, there was house meeting..after tt was huahui. yea. then the sec 1s and 2s who are not in huang mei diao are supposed to go and watch the debate in da drama studio. i watched for abt 5 min then kanglin came to ask me to go 2 charity to paiju... so i went. but the yanyuans were gathering ard a teacher tt i dunno. the teacher was explaining the script to the ppl. and i came late larhs. i joined the grp like nth happened.. but after she finish explaining, she told us tt hu shi yi and nu shi yi will be taken ou.. i was like suddenly feel very chen zhong. i was taken out!! i had been so happi to be in da ju... coz i sec1 then very less ppl got the opportunity to be in the xiaopin and qihang. yeahh.. then i was being taken out!! how wuld anyone be not sad lorhs. peipei was sad too... but i abit more weak than her.. i wanted to cry on the spot.. and me and peipei used my hp to pass msgs. we felt suddenly very extra. then we felt like crying... acc we both managed to keep our tears in our eyes larh. we nv let them fall. budden peipei requested to go to the toilet.. so we went. but when i got out of the door, i broke down. i dunno y, but i did. i just cried. until my eyes were red lorhs. then we waited for my eyes to grow white agn.. then we went bak. we didn hav anything to do and we felt so extra. we requested to leave and went to watch the debate. but when we reached the drama studio the sec 2s told us becca wanted us bak.. we were so puzzled but we went bak larhs. but another thing hit us. we are goin to hav a role. but is last minute add-on tt kind. they dun need us acc except for us to get the props up onstage. at tt point of time i thought they were using us(yea im evil), but i thought more and took the fact tt at least they took us bak. they didn ask another person to do the role. we were at least needed. so we took our role. but what can we sae? we cannot object to it.... me and peipei discussed abt telling them tt they dun need to give us a role to not make us feel bad. giving us unnecessary roles will add to our pain. but we relle culdn tell them dat can i? we dun hav the right to. and yeah todae. went for paiju. all the daoyans and yanyuans are there chatting away. wad m i doin? homework. against my will. i didn wana do homework. but i got nth else to do. i cant sit there listening to their conversation. well, i did listen to their conver. but i cannot participate in it. as in. they knew one another for more than a yr. im just sumone they know for, a week? i didn hav aniting else to do... everytime if i look at them all chat so enthu, i feel so left out. although they asked me to sit closer to them... i culdn feel any sense of participation. the things they toked abt, for instance, how jiayi laff. i dun even hav anything to sae.. just sat there and laff along when everyone laffs? tt's wad i did acc. when they start to pai the ju, i culdn do ath.. sat there continue my homework. watch occasionally. i felt like a loner. [peipei i need you] i was sitting alone lorhs. i can't join anyone.. they dun seem to know me, although they know hu i am. i feel like 'the ger fr 1charity hu is playing a xiao yi sheng' i am not known as xiaowei. or mostly im taken as 'the junior'.[wo de xin hao suan] and im the first one to go bak home. altho staying makes me waste my time, i relle wana stay and watch. but when they sae tt i can leave, how can i stay? i hav my pride. i cannot hou zhe lian pi liu zai na bian rite? i went. waited for my father. it was so late tt even jiayi came out. i was still wasting my time in skool rite? i culd hav stayed in da class to watch the paiju, but dun hav skin thick enuf to. wo bei ling wai yi zhong fang fa bei gan chu lai le. seriously i cannot sae this to anyone. except ppl cum to my blog and acc read my entries den will noe larhs. i relle cant sae to anyone. they will, WILL think im pitying myself. thinking tt it's very gd tt i can get in liao. and shuld be contented. but my problem isn abt me getting a small part. problem is how ppl will take me. i can confidently sae if imstill a hu shi i will be chatting and laffing truely with them. imagine it. dun u think it's true? and life isn going well at home either. i tok abt it next time. but if i've recovered to my so called cheerful self i'll forget abt it larhs. ppl.. pity me.. ke lian ke lian wo ba.. i dun liek being isolated. but i cant control ppl and make them tok to me rite.. or r they thinking leaving me alone will make me feel betta? i dun think so. and yea i forgot to mention this. i sae now yeahh? todae paiju peipei was sick[poor her]. she didn come to skool[i tot i was doomed then]. then during the paiju jieying came to where me qianya and jiayi were gathering and asked where peipei is.. then we told her. she was worried abt her and saed tt yesterdae she toked to her and she was okay. jieying asked us whether she has taken the incident too hard. i dunno y but i felt at tt instance a bitterness for myself. first for the incident, but tt was minor. wad i truly thought was, wad abt me? does she noe im oso in this situation? or can i sae, does she remember?? guess no one does anywae. im not tt important i guess. am i relle tt pathetic or am i onli pitying myself? i like huahui. but huahui doesn like me. Tuesday, March 23, 2004 im snapping at ppl tdy. but i hav no reason to do it. hav no right to do it. but i still did it. i tried hard to stay happy and cheerful. but i just acting doesn work. it just makes me more painful. im in a rotten mood todae. i cant explain. felt rather ok before skool ends. was quite excited, you could sae, coz got paiju. but when paiju starts, my mood's goin down. i feel so out of place. so left out. i was da onli sec one over there. and i couldn find anywords to contribute to their conversations. i just sat there in da circle and watch everyone tok. they all knew each other. and guess im a newbie.. no one relle toked to me. infact. not one person toked to me except da sec 2s. they're frenly. as fer da rest, they nv toked to me unless they had important things to tell me. -sad smile- is it me own fault? or i had a face which keep ppl fr toking to me? or im too quiet? but im not da quiet type. if sumone wuld bother to tok to me, i wun be so ...incomplete? empty? hahas. blame it on myself? why do i possess this face? yea. paiju was fun. but onli the acting part. when we chatted, they had a lot of jokes. i laffed. laffed relle hard too. but after the joke expired i was solemn agn. the ppl in da circle toked and toked. i didn even need to open my mouth. i didn exist in da circle. i was out of place. i was transparent. invisible. did i sae no ppl fr other class bothers abt me animore? maybe im onli dreaming. but it could be true. im betrayed by a fren. i had trusted her once. she betrayed me. now i tot she had repented. so i trusted her agn. but no. agn, she betrayed me with sum information. and mocked me in a kind of very fake apologetic way. i dun believe this. i relle dun. is heaven against me? im being ignored. being used. betrayed. left aside. pushed ard. and im flunking my tests. my mum's standard getting higher and higher. and now the onli thing im looking forward to is my cca. and the ppl dun even think im dere. so now what? Sunday, March 21, 2004 im back here. im going mad!!! after seeing my cousin's work... wana faint. everyone noes math need to be neat rite... but he do the working, the 1st on is in da middle, then the next one mite be on top!!! and the handwriting is like, woah. i cant explain. you muz see fer urself. im alone at home...so sian...thank god i hav me super machine here.. aka me comp! hahas. i am seriously insane. i dunno how to spit the phlegm out of my throat!! dun blame me if my cure doesn end... coz im too stupied. i failed to find ath for the thailand info. im dead tomms. mrs chan will burst i guess..... but relle cannot find lorhs. they gimme other countries, or else other kinda info. dunno how to change. aiyah. dun care liaos. mus enjoy da last dae of hols!! or i'll regret... -evil me- muahahahass. i got a JOB!! can anyone believe it mans... hahas. im a tutor now! tutor!! get $50 every month!! woohoos. hahas. acc im onli tutoring me cousin. for math. hahas. nice doing all those P6 math agn... hahas. much nicer and easier!!! oh gosh... my cousin's handwriting is erms....not very nice... can sae, is very very messy. the words are all separated... hahas.. will blog ltr. cya. Saturday, March 20, 2004 i wenta the 3rd doctor todae. *poooooor meee* cough is still here. getting even worse perhaps. -fake weep- must pity me ok? coz this cough started fr the 2nd last wk of skool. until now haven ok yett. hahas. im a patient now. mus take care of me alrites? hais.. the 3rd batch of medicines are even more bitter. the pils are getting larger. i still feel one of them in my throat. hahas im f course exaggerating larhs. i very self pity wan. dun bother bout me larhs. lalala. i watching true ghost story now... feeling abit cold down here. -shivers- starts 12am on channel 5... recommend... go watch it.. Thursday, March 18, 2004 nice toking to me fellow weirdo gull agn.. yeps. real nice. tho is onli fooling ard.. like the feelin. yupps. regrped my msn messenger ppl. classified into 5 grps... now easier to see. or else my head's goin crazy.. D&T proj is not nice to do... i had to design all by hand!!*poor me* yupps. i saw a schoolmate hu was in ncps ytd in hougang. and i suddenly realised sth!!! his name is called kanglin. chia kanglin. wows. nowonder i kinda found kanglin's name familiar. -hits head- how can i hav been so stupid?? hahas. de javu. Wednesday, March 17, 2004 argh!!! im goin mad!! this thing between sihui and louisa. its driving me mad. hais... i wanna faint. -shakes head- todae was interesting. hahas. at 9(pm), i took a nap and woke up at 10. then was dragged out to the the petrol station by me mum. then reached home at 11, and online until now. hahas. not exactly wa i call eventful larhs. but qt weird. im goin crazy by this blog time. it never cums out correct. so bad ones. now is 12.07. izzit correct? sumwhere dere?  You are the chinese element of Wood. People who are under the element of wood are practical, focused and like to learn. Wood, you are a natural leader, but you also like to control a lot, you're never still and especially hate to lose. The color of wood is blue/green and your symbol is the dragon. Spring is the season in which wood shines, and it's months are January/February. Your weather condition is rain. Wood is the direction east, and your day is Thursday, while your planet is Jupiter. Animals under your element are usually scaled. People under you are the Mongols. Your sense is sight, your taste is sour, your sound is calling and your virtue is benevolence. Your organ is the liver. You were created by Water and you control Earth. Which of the 5 Chinese Elements Are You? brought to you by Quizilla im so stupid. haiyahs.. simply sae wan larhs. im too bored... -snores- just finished reading the hcl bk. 15 chaps!! took 3 hours.. nodded of dunno how many times liaos.. hahas. realised my comp is ver stupid. and my blog has got some problem. so mah fan. shuldn hav done all dose change layout thingies. even the music gone. i shal go and find it bak. haha. -not funny lehs- i changed the layout.. and got my fav song!! hahas.. 'it's probably love' it rocks. love it to bits. but dunn y the new layout horhs.. when a link i go before it will check.. hais.. not very nice.. but still can larhs. any comment? tag!! hahas stupid thailand thingie.i can't find any good info!! it drove me to death. hmms. everything is either too vague or too faint. can't get the precise info.. arghh!!! when you believe Many nights we've prayed With no proof anyone could hear In our hearts a hopeful song We barely understood Now we are not afraid Although we know there's much to fear We were moving mountains Long before we knew we could Chorus: There can be miracles When you believe Though hope is frail It's hard to kill Who knows what miracles You can achieve When you believe Somehow you will You will when you believe In this time of fear When prayer so often proves in vain Hope seemed like the summer birds Too swiftly flown away Yet now I'm standing here My heart's so full, I can't explain Seeking faith and speaking words I never thought I'd say Chorus They don't always happen when you ask And it's easy to give in to your fears But when you're blinded by your pain Can't see your way clear through the rain A small, but still, resilient voice Says help is very near yuppsie. love this song. deb sang this fer talentine in p5!! bravo!! so nice.. love it to death. dunno how to sing cum to me i sing for you!! hahas.. no lah. me singing can send glass shattering.. Tuesday, March 16, 2004 im faking my presence here. suppposed ta do epebble. but hav oredi finished. faking so i can stay online. feeling sad. nth's goin well fer me. but cant sae wad it is.. -sobs- think i may be going to a third doc for my cough. finished all da medicines and im coughing harder than ever. hahas. me being showered by all the empathetises... but at the same time being poisoned by all the bitter medicines.. feel like dying.. hahas. of course not larhs. wanna live. miss school. cant wait fer da hols to be over.. Monday, March 15, 2004 hahas... rottin away heres... at louies house yet agn... but not doin anthing. supposed ta be doing porj(yet again) and haven started(again summore)...so worthless.. dunno wad we doin here. play? lalalas. hate da hols. but at the same time love it. dunno y. i miss sch!! but like goin out without haven rush fer hw. weird rite.. coz me is da weirdo gal..hahas..[lame] watched the haunted mansion tdy. MUAHAHAHAS SO FUNNY!!! ZIQIN SCREAMED!!! dun believe lorhs.. tot she ver daring wan..hahas.. yeahh.. dunno wad ta do nows.. -faints- Sunday, March 14, 2004 dun hav the guts to admit tt i haven slp. supposed to be in my dreamland. had the 2nd auds todae.. think i flunked it. will get no parts for sure. not even a 'caelefair'.. boohoos. felt sick all dae. was pretty nauseous. after the auds i took the bus 269 to jubilee. but when i took the 159, i started to feel relle sick and felt like vomiting. at last l couldn help it i alighted at hougang point and sat at the bustop for 30 min until i felt betta. reached home at 1. and standard time was supposed to be at 11.30 if i didn stop at many bustops on the wae. was pretty helpless. no one was taking same bus w me. no one was cuming out of sch the same time as me, you could sae tt. and couldn possibly call my mother to rush to hougang point to take a look at me rite? now's 12.25. the blog time is wrecked. i still feeling very sick lorhs. took the medicine for cough. yea!! coughed dunno how many times during the practice for audits todae! was relle maloo. can't believe this cough just wuldn go. it had alrdy lasted 1 and a half wk. and im feeling dizzy all of a sudden. wana vomit agn. not exaggerating ya noe. not self pitying either. woah. havta go. me relle not feeling well nows. Saturday, March 13, 2004 What Kind of Shadow Are You? (with gorgeous pics) brought to you by Quizilla last dae of school!! was real tired. can't believe we're gonna hav common test on the last dae of sch. torture rite? sort of relaxed noe. and sort of happy. everything's over. all the tests. results. pressure. they are over. but onli for a time being. Thursday, March 11, 2004 i was half angry half okay todaes.. suddenly felt relle empty. why do parents onli care abt marks? i decided. ihjy. ihhtd. so im writing in code. but y muz tt person be so.... proud? so boastful? i dun believe it. tot she was a nice person. guess i was wrong. forget it. dun relle wana brood over it. tdy had the huahui auditions. the huang mei diao thingie.. i din do very well, half is i dun wan...hahas. not very interested. and i didn get chosen anywae. fine... the auditions were a blast. tho i didn do well. hais... sure get no part wan. but i was dead fun. hahas. had a pretty nice dae in skool tdy. right after recess we went for the muzikalthon. the chinese high guys took our song!!! we were so paiseh singing agn... -cries- but all was well. the thing was supposed ta end at 12. but it lasted throughout the whole skool dae!! until sch ends! hahas i stayed in da forum until 2.. there were no lessons anywae.. had fun todae. relle. Wednesday, March 10, 2004 hais... at moelc. yet agn. there's one very fierce indian woman wearing green supervising the students in the library. but acc, she is trying to chase us out of her beloved library w her scoldings. how irritating. she even accused me and jiayun of not signing in b4 we use the computer. thank gdness we got a great heart. or else we'll box her to death. she doesn look young anywae. hais.. pissed off. Tuesday, March 09, 2004 had a real bad tummyache. couldn walk couldn tok. but now okay liaos. just now i was in the toilet for like, 35 minutes? but i couldn get anything out. so it's not pu tong de du zi tong.. hais... gone now then fine lorhs.. tdy was chaotic. the class had quarreled over some matters of changing places. and this stupid person kept butting in to sae things which dun help at all. stupid bossy person. hmpf. dun sae her name becoz i help her save face ok? hais.. she dun even noe is her lorhs. think she is in charge of everything. and is not elisa horhs. elisa very nice wan.. hahas. didn do pe tdy. had mc!!! hahas. can't breathe. i can't believe heaven hataes me so much. Monday, March 08, 2004  Your Heart is Red What Color is Your Heart? brought to you by Quizilla hahs. my heart is red. hmms. whose heart isn red anywae? im normal..? hahas. just reached home fr moelc... tired mans. hitched a ride fr june... haha hope she wasn angri... sometimes she very kind but sumtimes she...er hem. dun sae betta. hahas. dead tired. acc slept agn in jap class. couldn help it. went to the doc. he wanted to gimme an mc but i didn wan...(me a gd student horhs!!) but instead i asked for exemption fr pe.. he gave me 3 daes!!! so kind!! hahas.. wouldn havta do morning jog on tues.. dun havta do pe tomms. great! yeah... took the medicine tt cause drowsiness b4 i went fer the jap lesson. maybe tt explains y i slept in class. and da teacher acc saw me dozing off! i had drifeted off and when i opened my eyes i found the teacher staring at me. ahh!! we got a new jap teacher! called 'miki a-o-i' she so cute!!! hahas wonder y our class the teacher all pure jap den dun speak english well. todae was fun. but tiring.. ZzZ.. tomms get ting xie. nv study. gotta buck up soon. hais.... life is indeed unfair. y is it tt someone has all the privileges tt other ppl dun hav?  My inner child is six years old!
Sunday, March 07, 2004 arghs im having diarrhea... go toilet abt 4 times in compass todae? hais... hmms. *this is a public announcement* yiling loves joanne, and joanne loves yiling, but im not inside kayys? im onli the person hu is nosey nosey then being dragged into the story ofBEING JEALOUS OF YILING AND JOANNE XIANG QING XIANG AI... im innocent!! hahas... joanne aka tortoise... dun tok crap larhs.. hahas.. hahas. i very bu guai todae.. ate apple pie and alot of chili. hmms. must learn to control my mouth yeahhs? hais... now i cannot tok liaos.. poor me.. -cries- wenta compass again. was hoping to see ppl... fruitlessly... hais... i just discovered the dreadful fact of sonething::: tomms ncps anniversary, and I HAVE THIRD LANG!!! i cannot go for the anniversary!!! wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh life's unfair!!! how can liddat!!! -box the sky- you cannot liddat!!! yiiiikes!  Your Energy is Yellow. You are generous, bright, and expressive. An excellent communicator, you keep your audience captivated with your animated storytelling. Sometimes you talk too much, but when you learn to listen you will be sought out for your talents to advise. The communications field appeals to you as a profession. Public speaking, writing, radio, acting or teaching would also be good career choices. What color is your energy? brought to you by Quizilla hahas. changed my mind. will use this one onwards. hehhehs... Saturday, March 06, 2004 i still feel bad about changing blog. hmms. it's like, maybe this one is nicer, but the last one got sentiment value lehs... got my memories... now i forgot wad i've written...wahh... and last time me entries are funnier...:P hais... havta let go... feel like crying... hahas. too exaggerated larhs. but i ver happi todae. duno for wad. nothing can insult me todae!!! lalllaaalalalaaa i'll never gonna sae gdbye jiu suan wo men ceng jing ju li do mo yao yuan da ying guo bu hui wang ji zhe yue ding i'll never gonna sae gdbye sheng ming bian de ru ci can lan ying wei ni cun zai zhi yao you ai jiu you wei lai zong zai li bie qian na yi ke ren zhu ku qi jiang zhe fen mei li cang zai xin di arghhh!! my stupid cough worsened....-cries- hais... i ate the cheeseburger and tsukune at mos burg just now... now the cough deepens. i can't go speaking 2 or 3 words without coughing.. i can't sing!!! all my words got chopped off and in a song i cough abt 50 times... pathetic... its so sad.. wahh. save me mans. hmms. i changed my mind. i will use this blog onward... but too lazy tell ppl... if you see this.. spread ard to dose hu hav my link can? so sad... having cough again.. cannot go doctor anm. last time the trip to the doc costed me mum $67! they charged double price coz its at nite den they are 24 hour wad. this time i got phobia liaos... waste money for something tt will go away tiself? hahas no wae. hmms. dunno whether this music fits my blog anot. but i think so larhs... i nv put up sad things one. unless i sad until wu yao ke jiu lorhs. hmms. i like jang nara... so i sacrifice! write happy things! acc i nv write sad things b4... dun feel like troubling ppl.. alotta ppl dunno i'm sad or angry. they dunno wad im thinking. wells. tt's gd rite? in other ppl's eyes, i'm a happi go luckie one. hahas. maybe i relle am. if im sad or angry i'll not be so talkative.. or else i keep chattering.. hint hint* unless some relle insensitive ppl larhs. when i happi tok to them then they like very irritated... then i'll not tok animore... coz i become pissed off also... they dun hav to fa xie on me rite? hahas forget abt it. this kinda thing dun sae betta or else sumone will come and look for me with a baseball bat!! (; going toa payoh later. i think i'm the onli few pl hu are still being dragged out by our parents then are not allowed to go out by ourselves with our frens. but mus treasuer these things. when we grow even older then dis kinda thing dun happen animore... so dun fret and enjoy myself? hahas ok... im off to toa payoh.. hope me get to blog tomms. those people from moelc, if you think st nicks ppl are sluts, then you are a bird brain. hmms. our class is goin to perform for *muzikalthon*!the term seems so nice rite? hais... acc its asking us to donate money.. and wo men ping ming de juan qian.. juan alot liaos lehs! for the sake of our skool's pianos... dunno whether its worth it. ppl destroy them and ask us to help donate to pay for it? and y dun the primarys help as well, since they are more capable of spoiling it? hais... nvm but im pretty thrilled to participate in the event. we'll be singing yu jian and peng you. hahas it was real funny when we practised in the sunken forum. no one knew the lyrics of the peng you and we just joined arms and began to 'lalala' the whole song with the piano. hahas. that will be a great memory for all of us. one charity unite!! yeahh. mondae is nan chiau's 58th anniversary. im going bak! everyone seems so thrilled about it too! i can't wait to see them again. hahas, XSEL square! weirdo gull! 6A! till we meet again! so sad.... my last blog went corrupted... nothing cums out!!! hais.. and this new blog looks like shit lorhs. wad can i do... i hav no choice. will use bak tt one if i ever manage to fix it... which will most probably be not... my comp skills can't be trusted... -cries- |
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